Frustration in Marriage How to handle frustration
Many people tend to dump their frustration on their partner, both married and unmarried individuals. Unmarried individuals here refer to those who intend to get married. They show all their frustration on their partner because there is a feeling of contempt rather than fear, since their partner is always around.
Those who run businesses or work in jobs perform various tasks. They often bring the failures from their work and show them to their partner. They also expect perfect behaviour from their partner. When it comes to marital life, each person has a different image of it. The man has one kind of image, and the woman has another.
The man’s image is that the woman he marries should stay at home and take care of his parents. She should also take care of the children they have. He has an image of himself as someone who can earn a lot of money.
Similarly, the woman also has an image. She spends a lot of money on pursuing certain courses. Why did she study? She also has a desire to work. Then a conflict arises between the two.
Here, the images of the two do not match. Also, his image is that after having children, she should take good care of them. But the woman shows her frustration on the young children. This is because of conflicts with her mother-in-law and other family members.Wives get upset because their husbands didn’t buy them what they asked for, or because they don’t have support from their parents’ home, and they end up scolding and lashing out at their children over trivial matters.
How to handle frustration How to handle frustration
In this way, they shift from one issue to another, with the husband showing frustration towards the wife and the wife towards the husband.
Frustration is essentially anger, and there’s no need to react so strongly. But they end up displaying anger over incidents that happened elsewhere.
This anger can escalate to the point where they even physically fight each other. At one point, the wife, in a fit of anger, throws something at her husband, and it hits him on the head.
She gets labelled as the wife who hit her husband.
What we need to understand here is that it’s impossible for any two people living together to agree on everything 100%. This is because they are two different individuals.
Therefore, it’s unlikely that my wife or girlfriend will listen to me exactly as I want.
What we need to understand here is that husbands and wives, or boyfriends and girlfriends, come from different families. They have different cultures, and they come from different cities. Their attitudes will be different. So, their image won’t be exactly as we want it to be.The girl wants to become a successful professional, while the boy is content with staying at home and taking care of the family.
How to handle frustration
The girl desires a husband who earns a lot of money, but the boy prioritises peace of mind over wealth.
There are all sorts of different expectations. When these expectations aren’t fulfilled, they end up torturing each other.
They think that if they torture the wife enough, she will shut up and take care of the family.
They think that if they torture the husband enough, he will earn even more money.
Since this doesn’t happen, it’s important to consider their attitude before marriage. What kind of attitude? Attitude towards life. What is marriage, and what is marital life?
Attitude towards the partner’s freedom.
It’s important to check for cultural similarities. That is, the culture in which we grew up. It’s not about whether it’s good or bad. Caste, beliefs, religion, food habits – all of these fall under culture.
Therefore, it’s essential to understand each other’s culture before marriage. Pre-marital counselling is necessary.
So, one must understand the other person’s culture and attitude. If there are things that need to be changed, they should be requested and changed. Similarly, if we set limits on our expectations, the chances of anger and dumping those frustrations on children will decrease.
