The pain is real… How to deal with depression
A girl is suffering because of the boy she loves. Let’s say I don’t like that boy. What would I tell her now? I would say, “Your suffering is pointless.” Why? Because that boy isn’t a good person, and you’re suffering unnecessarily. But if I don’t like him, won’t that girl still feel pain? Of course, she will. In psychology, we should always look at things from their perspective. When we look from their perspective, we understand.
People tend to look at the reason for the pain and, because it’s not valid from their perspective, they consider the suffering to be pointless.
Pain and the reason for the pain are two different things.
The root cause of the pain is different. I’m walking on the road. I see a beautiful girl. Because I was looking at that girl while walking, I had an accident and fell down. Now, that girl is not the reason for my accident. The accident happened because of my wicked desire, my greed, and my lust for that girl.Many people go to a psychologist for counselling. If you tell them, “Are you troubled by such a small problem? Are you suffering because of this?”, they are likely to run away from there.
If an Indian girl living in America approaches a counsellor because a boy cheated on her, what might the counsellor say? He might tell her to find another boy. That’s why culture is very important in psychological counseling.
We need to consider the culture in which that girl and that boy grew up.
A girl from Brazil came to a psychologist for counselling. This psychologist only provides counselling in the Telugu states. But he agreed to counsel the girl. In her culture, she was in a live-in relationship. The psychologist here understood that it was part of her culture and gave her appropriate counselling. Now, if this Indian psychologist were to judge her and say, “This is not how things are in our country; we have one wife and one husband. Our country is very great,” the girl would become disconnected.
Therefore, we should always separate the suffering from the cause of the suffering. We should think with empathy.
Then, the girl’s suffering is real. When viewed with empathy, the girl becomes emotional, expresses her pain, and after suffering, some of the negative emotions subside. Only then should the cause of the suffering be analysed.Many people say to those suffering from mental illnesses, “Why are they getting so upset over such a small matter?” They are mistaking mirages for floods. But at that moment, it appears to them like a tsunami.
When they believe their suffering is real, they will discuss it with you. That’s when you can analyse the cause of their distress.
The pain is real | How to deal with depression The pain is real | How to deal with depression The pain is real | How to deal with depression
